Why is this traumatic? I don't know. It's a right of passage we all hope our children go through. It's what we always expected when the children were born. It just seemed so far away. And now, he's a senior in high school in his last semester. Apply for college...just the one, and hope it's a go. Figure out how to pay for it. Apply for scholarships. Schedule freshman orientation. Apply for financial aid, just in case. Get a drivers license so Mom doesn't have to drive boy to college. But amidst all that, there is the realization that my boy is growing up. He's leaving me. Well, he's not going that far away since he chose to go to school at UTSA and will be living at home, but he's growing away.
I don't know if I prepared him well enough to make decisions without me. I don't know if he'll know how to get to class on time. I don't know if he'll have time for me when he's a college man. I don't know if he'll figure out that he doesn't need me anymore. It's a loss. There is some sort of weird grief I feel with this process. I'm not even finding it easy to be happy for him, yet. Despite he was accepted to the only school he wanted to attend and received automatic entry and Presidential Scholarship due to his class ranking and SAT scores... I'll get there. I know I will. I'll work through the logistics and wade through the paperwork.
He'll start class this fall at my Alma Mater (Now and forever, we are Roadrunners!), and I'll breathe a sigh of relief. After I shed a few tears. It's a new day coming. A new normal. And I thank God every day that He blessed me with a handsome, smart, wonderfully weird and random, witty boy. Then, I'll start the process all over again for my princess. That'll happen. Before I know it.